I was browsing a sexx advice forum and someone had posted the question, “Do women like sucking the penis?” One guy answered, “No, once you are married for a few years, the act will disappear like it never existed.” I felt really sorry for the guy. No blowjobs at all? His sex life can’t be that good.

Later that same week I had lunch with a group of girlfriends and, like always, we started in on the girl talk. When we get together, it’s like an uncensored version of “The View.” We’ll rap about almost anything but sexx and men are of course our favorite topics.

I mentioned the poor guy who wasn’t getting blown by his wife. After some initial jokes, we settled into a serious conversation on the topic. One of my girlfriends cut to the heart of the matter and said, “Well, I bet the guy hasn’t mastered the fine art of going down on his woman.”

Wow. That provocative comment triggered a whole series of stories about men who expected to get blowjobs without reciprocating. I was surprised at the percentage of my girlfriends’ past lovers who were like that. Here are some of the choice words that were repeated often in reference to these guys: self-centered, lazy, and insensitive jerk.

The verdict was unanimous. If a man doesn’t voluntarily perform cunnilingus, all interest is lost on giving him sexx blowjobs. However, if a man spontaneously goes down on his woman, he can expect her to return the favor in a major way. If he’s really good at it, he can expect to enter blowjob heaven. Note, a woman doesn’t like to have to ask for her man to go down on her.

Then another phrase creeped into the conversation, “tongue with no talent.” Some men do reciprocate but they are just so bad at it their woman would really rather he didn’t. In fact, a couple of my girlfriends said they avoided giving head to some of their ex-boyfriends because they didn’t want to encourage them to reciprocate.

I asked why they didn’t just talk to their boyfriends about it and explain how they liked it. They said they were just too embarrassed to discuss the problem openly so they just avoided oral sex all together rather than deal with the issue.

So, here’s the moral to this story:

The top 3 secrets to getting more blowjobs are:

1. Perform cunnilingus on your woman more (and as frequently as possible).

2. Perform cunnilingus on your woman without her asking you to.

3. Learn how to give really great cunnilingus so you can enter blowjob heaven.

You are going to learn how to give a female an orgasm. If you are unable to give a woman this kind of pleasure at the moment, have no fear. With the right techniques, you can transform your abilities in the bedroom to give a woman the greatest satisfaction of your life. Even if you think that you aren’t very good, all of that is about to change today.

One of the best stimulation techniques to give a woman the fastest orgasm of her life is to use your tongue on her. With oral sexx, you have the most control and you have the least chance of hurting her. When you are going down on her, your tongue is able to do most of the work. When it comes to your tongue, it is the perfect balance of rough and soft that your woman is looking for. You are able to go a little faster with your tongue and you don’t have to be concerned about hurting her either. If you really want her to climax fast, then use oral sex as your first tactic.

Another way to give a female an orgasm quickly is to get her revved up before you even touch her. When it comes to the female orgasm, foreplay is crucial. Even if you aren’t planning on having intercourse with her, if you expect to get her to climax, you need to use foreplay. You must get her in the mood and you must get her thinking about pleasure. That is the only way that you are going to make it possible for you to actually satisfy her. Use foreplay on her if you want to make her orgasm and use a lot of foreplay on her if you want to make her orgasm fast.

Finally, the fastest way to give a woman an orgasm is to take your time. Even though this may sound contradictory, you need to slow it down if you want to speed it up. Women respond better to slow and sensual movements, rather than rough and fast. The slower you go, the more control you have the better your chances are of giving her amazing pleasure.

Today’s average couple is always on the go and busy. Somehow getting through each day stretched for time, overworked and tired. It’s not surprising then that being tired gets in the way of them having good sexx on a regular basis-but not in the way you might think. A big couple conundrum and question to me is, “How can we want sex when we’re always so tired?”

My response, “Usually it’s not the being tired that is preventing you from wanting sex.”

An inevitable long and cold silence, followed with a brisk and defensive, “You don’t think being tired plays havoc on people’s sex lives?”

My response, “There’s a reason sleep is considered the new sexx. I think exhaustion is very real and a big concern for couples. No doubt, there are many times when a couple is too tired to have sex. Generally though, being tired shouldn’t equate to a person’s motivation to have sex (a.k.a. sexual desire).”

The problem of pointing the finger of blame of “we’re just too tired”, is it usually covers up for other things that have gone wrong in the bedroom: lack of communication, build up of resentment, boring sex, the list goes on and on. It’s easier for a couple to sidestep a huge argument(s) by not opening that Pandora’s box. Agreeing that they are too tired becomes an easy salve on a big wound.

In fact, many a men and women has confessed that saying “I’m too tired” has become a bad habit-they say it before they really think about whether they are or not.

Not to rub salt in a we’re-not-having-enough-sex-wound but I know plenty of couples who have great sex lives-exhausted or not. In fact, they have more sex when they are tired because it’s their way of relaxing and feeling good-given sex can flood the brain with wonderful, endorphins, oxytocin, and so on.

Instead of focusing on a “symptom” of being exhausted, couples need to look at the bigger picture of how they are having sex. They also need to wrap their heads around creating more realistic expectations on what is doable for their present lifestyle and schedule.

Sex, like everything else in life, has its ebbs and flows. Sometimes there will be periods of upheavals having and it will be sexx once a month. During calm periods, they can easily have sex once a week (if that’s their frequency preference). Sometimes, albeit not often, they will look each other in the eyes and want rip each other’s clothes off.

It all starts with a heart-to-heart talk outside the bedroom like, “This is our extremely busy situation for the next six months. What can we do sexually and/ or to stay connected even if we aren’t having as much sex as we’d like?”

If you’re truly in a busy period of your life, forcing the “sex once a week” formula will probably cause more harm then it will do good. Instead focus on maintaining intimacy outside the bedroom: touching, kissing, being nice to each other.

Or if you’re dealing with the daily grind of life, scheduling sex is the easiest way for a couple to keep their sex life on the radar. It may not seem romantic and a couple usually feel like failures because they can no longer have spontaneous sex; however, chances are if they don’t schedule, it’s not going to happen.

The upside to scheduling is it takes away any negative feelings of who is going to initiate sex and her walking around on egg shells wondering if “tonight is the night when I’ll have to have sexx.” Research proves couples who schedule sexx have more sex that is mutually satisfying.

So the next time the words, “I’m too tired” come out of your mouth as they relate to sex, think about how they are affecting your sex life overall. If you truly are too tired all the time, then maybe it’s time to get some balance in your life. After all, we can only hold our partner at arm’s length for so long before the relationship starts to suffer.